Heartfelt ad posted for ‘top shelf’ Fort Simpson guinea pig

Lilly the guinea pig, a true northerner, has turned to a Fort Simpson Facebook group to find herself a new home.

“When Lilly decided that she wanted to move out, of course I encouraged her and offered to support her decision in every way possible,” said her current roommate, Trevor Ryhorchuk, in a heartfelt testimonial posted online.

Ryhorchuk told Cabin Radio he doesn’t feel he is able to invest enough time in caring for Lilly, which may have prompted Lilly to declare she was leaving him.

“My hope is that there’s someone or a family that can give her that attention.”

Ryhorchuk, who inherited Lilly in October, estimates she is around a year old.

His Facebook post recalls other recent online classics like the set of teeth posted to Hay River’s classifieds group, and a First Nation’s frantic post after someone accidentally shot fireworks at campers last summer.

‘She has a high GPA’

Ryhorchuk assured prospective new owners Lilly is a very smart guinea pig.

“She has a high GPA (Guinea Pig Aptitude); testing well in key cavia porcellus characteristics including: eating, staring, hiding, and pooping,” Ryhorchuk wrote.

“Her most recent test score was 1A.3G2 (meaningless to you and me, apparently quite important to her).”

Despite not being able to talk, Lilly somehow managed to convince Ryhorchuk to let her take everything when she leaves: her large cage with “cage-type stuff,” hay, food, and shampoo.

“As far as negotiators go, Lilly is top shelf,” he said.

“She could stare down a Mack truck. I’m quite certain she doesn’t have eyelids, which probably helps.”

It goes without saying she’ll also be packing her treats, although Ryhorchuk warns she can be picky and refuse to eat them – even though she always insists on taking them.

His entertaining post, published on Thursday, is getting a lot of love. Sadly, however, nobody has stepped up to take Lilly in just yet.