Disabilities, Catholic Guilt, and Overused Vibrators
That title makes this show sound a lot heavier than it is.
Welcome to the SubArctic Sex Show for Sunday, June 24, 2018! Joining me in the studio today are The Enabler and BonBon. They’re not a new comedic duo – The Enabler is going to tell me all about sex and disabilities, and BonBon has come with some excellent questions.
The Enabler and I discuss disabilities – what IS a disability? As she describes, literally every person will be disabled in some way, at some point in their life, so this show really is for everybody. We sometimes think of disabilities as being large-scale, visible, permanent, but many disabilities are invisible or confusing to witness. The Enabler gets down and dirty, giving me suggestions for sex positions that are best for people with limited mobility, and how to have awkward/funny conversations with your partner about the clinical-ness of some parts of your life. She also has some advice for health care practitioners about what “sex positive” means, and wants everybody to know that, regardless of your mobility or whatever physical or mental challenges you’re facing, you deserve the happy, satisfying sex life that you want.
BonBon comes to the studio with some of your anonymous questions. We talk about penis size and confidence levels, Catholic guilt, and the idea of using your vibrator so much that you desensitize your clitoris. I’ve also got some advice for helping your sexual relationship grow, even if you suspect that your partner might be vanilla (pro tip: most people have at least a little streak of strawberry mixed in).
Thanks for joining us for another SubArctic Sex Show! Remember to grab your condoms for the Great Yellowknife Rubber Race, and submit your feedback on the form, and send in your questions and show ideas!
FURTHER TO VIBRATOR OVERUSE:
There is limited scientific research on the long-term effects of vibrator use, especially intense or very frequent use. The research that DOES exist seems to indicate that it is highly unlikely for vibrators to damage the nerve endings in your clitoris, however there are lots of people who report extended, powerful vibrator use that results in a feeling of desensitization and inability to orgasm without it.
Whether there’s physical nerve damage happening (unlikely) or not, what IS happening is that you’ve trained your body and mind to reach orgasm in only one way, and you need to rewire those pathways. As I tell letter-writer Victim of the Vibe, this means saying goodbye to your special toy – maybe forever, but at least for several months – and teaching your body new ways to reach orgasm. Yes, it will be frustrating. Yes, you will learn how to come again.
FURTHER TO SEX AND DISABILITY:
The Enabler could have stayed and chatted for LITERALLY HOURS about this topic, so I had them send over some recommended reading, informative websites, etc.
Sex and Disability Resources
You should never take medical advice from the internet.
We did not read every word on each website, so we can’t guarantee that there isn’t anything offensive/wrong/disrespectful/triggering in these resources.
These websites talk about sex, often in detail. You’ve been warned: there is explicit content.
Always do what is right for your body, always be safe, and never do something that feels wrong.
http://www.sexualityanddisability.org – this site answers questions that women with disability might have. They also have lots of personal stories and experiences. Topics include loving your body, sex, relationships, pregnancy, parenting, and sexual violence. Easy to read, really relatable.
https://www.comeasyouare.com/ – Sexy store in Toronto, online orders. These guys have an information page about sex and disability, and experience adapting sex toys. They’re happy to help you find something that works for you! Check out the Sex Shapes and Furniture Section, and listen for these guys on the Subarctic Sex Show! *Note from Frank: Jack from Come As You Are will be my special guest next week, and DAMN did we have fun*
http://www.fqpn.qc.ca/acsexe/ and http://www.fqpn.qc.ca/acsexe/en/ – from Quebec, in French or English. Blog posts about sexuality, access, and disability.
http://cerhes.org/ – For our French listeners! Centre Ressources Handicaps et Sexualités. French-language articles on all topics relating to sex and disability. I am not skilled at reading French, but there seems to be a lot of information…
http://www.scarleteen.com/i_beg_your_pardon_dealing_with_rude_nondisableds – Scarleteen has a lot of good information about sex. They have a blog post series about sex and disability. Topics include masturbation, disabled sex for two (or more), consent, sex and mental health, kink and disability.
https://www.chronicsex.org – these folks make the Chronic Sex Podcast. They have blog posts about living life and having sex when you have a chronic disease. They’re 2017 “Sex Blogging Superheroes – Kinkly Top 100” and a “Healthline Invisible Illness Awareness Champion”.
http://www.enhancetheuk.org – this organization is trying to change society’s views on disability. They have relationship and sex resources, the Undressing Disability blog, and a question and answer section
http://www.dhrn.ca/files/sexualhealthmanual_lowres_2010_0208.pdf – Full on-line pdf of “pleasureABLE Sexual Device Manual for Persons with Disabilities”
Articles and Blogs:
https://themighty.com/2018/02/disability-wheelchair-sex-positions/ – sex positions with helpful “sexy disability” pictures
https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/bmwbz3/i-give-disabled-people-orgasms-for-a-living – this is an article about sex surrogacy in Canada
http://mikscarlet.com/blog/ – blog by wheelchair user Mik Scarlet. In blogposts like “Wheelie Sexy”, he gives us “sexy tips…from a sexy crip?!?” He is a “sexpert” for Enhance the UK, an organization that wants to change society’s view of disability
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/apr/20/lets-talk-about-sex-education-disability – article about sex education (and the lack of it) for people with disabilities
http://beautyability.com/love/datingtips/ – “Dating On Wheels Column”
Disability After Dark “The podcast shining light on sex and disability”
Chronic Sex Podcast “Because sexuality doesn’t depend on ability” also see their website https://www.chronicsex.org
There are so many books. I used information from these two. If you search for these, you will get a bunch of book recommendations or check out “customers who bought this item also bought…” on amazon.ca (Remember – you can buy books that you see on amazon at your local book store! We’re not endorsing amazon) *Note from Frank: http://www.yellowknifebooks.com*
Sex and Disability (2012) edited by Robert McRuer, Anna Mollow
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability (2007) by Miriam Kaufman and Cory Silverberg